In a stunning move, the AMA Board of Directors has confirmed that it has changed its guidelines, now requiring doctors to consult with their patients before subscribing medicines, reversing the long-standing doctor-patient relationship.
“It was simply a case of surrendering to the inevitable,” stated Rusty Scalpel, MD, current president of the organization. “With so much Direct-to-Consumer advertising, patients now know more than we do about current medications. I mean, who knew about ED until Viagra and its competitors started blanketing the airwaves? Some patient came to me describing a painful 4-hour effect, and I’m like, ‘Huh??'”
“I think it’s a great idea, ” said Frank Lee Clewles, a busy primary care physician in East Blizzard, ND. “I’ve got enough problems keeping up with insurance paperwork and government regulations. Who can stay current with all this medical stuff nowadays? Now, I can just take the time to sit with my patients and ask them about the latest treatments for urinary incontinence or pancreatitis. They’ll even point me to some great websites and we figure out a treatment plan on the spot based on their recommendations!”
From this point forward, when a patient presents with symptoms of a medical problem, doctors will be required to ask what medications the patient thinks will be most appropriate for that issue. A 20-minute loop of the most common DTC ads will play continuously in waiting rooms, to remind patients about treatments for toe fungus, weak streams, painful joints, and other real and imaginary ills. In addition, new doctor office wallpaper is being issued with the names of the 100 most common brand names, so that patients can tell their doctors exactly what they think they need.
Pharmaceutical companies were quick to respond, re-deploying their entire field sales forces as door-to-door salespeople.
The Pharma Side
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